Archives: sleep deprivation

Right now, I have the answer to EVERYTHING. And it’s just one word. Which is great, because this sleep-deprivation shit plays havoc with your vocab.

- You look tired. Are you not sleeping?

- Toddler.

 

- Why does the house smell like cinnamon?

- Toddler.

 

- Why is the front lawn covered in duplo?

- Toddler.

 

- Why is the cat cowering in the bath?*

- Toddler.

 

- Why are the chairs all on top of the table?

- Toddler.

 

- Why is the loungeroom floor covered in a fine layer of talc?

- Toddler.

 

- Why haven’t you washed/brushed your hair this week?

- Toddler.

 

- Where are my keys?

- Toddler.

 

- Where is my mind?

- Toddler.

 

You may choose to add a little courtesy.

- Would you like to come out for dinner with us tonight?

- Sorry, toddler.

 

It even works as a reply to simple statements.

- That’s a lot of washing you’re doing.

- Toddler.

 

But it’s best reserved for existential angst.

- Why? Why me?

- Toddler.

 

 

*Just kidding. We have neither cat nor bath. (But the neighbours do.)

It’s been one of those weeks, where you arrive on Friday sweating and shaking and gripping onto the side of the week with ragged fingernails and white knuckles, just hoping to slide into the weekend intact.

The toddler’s teething. Which means if he lets you sleep for more than say two hours in a stretch, you’re laughing. Or at least able to form coherent sentences, or something like that. Up every hour, most nights.

So this morning, after battling peak traffic both-ways across town to drop my hot car to the air-conditioning magicians, and then into the city, baby sleeping in the back,* Daddyo says to me, “Look on the bright side” as I’m sitting there, exhausted, wondering if I’ll risk another coffee or if it will just make me super anxious. If it will make me nervy-shaky, not just tired-shaky.

Stuck in the enough-not-quite-enough caffeine limbo …

… with tired eyes, sore eyes that make me feel as if there’s someone pinning my lids back, Clockwork Orange style, but with pure chlorine being dripped in.

And Pollyanna says, “Well he slept from 1:30 and 4:30 this morning, that’s about three hours straight sleep last night, that’s good, isn’t it?” all sparkly and fresh-like.

And I say,

“No, it fucking isn’t.”

 

*Baby-sleep in car! Wasted sleep opportunity!