Archives: baking

The 11* commandments of mothers’ groups**

  1. Thou shalt not block the aisles with a pramslide.

  2. Thou shalt not take thine’s own baked goods to the café. (This is somone’s business, dammit. Brandish your baked goods elsewhere.)

  3. Thou shalt never change a nappy in view, or smell, of other patrons. No, not even a wet one.

  4. Thou shalt keep thine offspring close. The other diners don’t really want to play with your kids; they’re being polite.

  5. Thou shalt pay for damages, or at least offer.

  6. Thou shalt resist the temptation to bite the child that bit yours.

  7. Thou shalt seek approval before uploading to social media.

  8. Thou shalt help thine toddler pick up scattered toys, books, or furniture, unless they’re having a tantrum meltdown, in which case thou shalt leave in haste.

  9. Thou shalt not be boastful about a full night’s sleep, an active sex life, developmental milestones, or fitting pre-pregnancy jeans.

  10. Thou shalt not let thine dog lick another’s baby’s face. They do not find it cute.

  11. Actually, thou shalt leave thine dog at home. Six toddlers is enough animal madness for anyone’s sanity.

 
*because someone always has to go one better, don’t they?

**yes, ok, “parents’ groups”

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