Archives: toddler

Time mis-management

Downgrade your expectations of achievement

I’ve got it. The secret.

Since things are going to be slow (climbing stairs with a 20-month-old, anyone?), this moment is life’s big opportunity to live in the present. Hell yeah. Nothing encourages mindfulness like being in a garden, or pushing a toddler on a swing. A toddler on a swing in a garden? Hours freeze.

So my revelation: ditch it. I start with the usual expectations of all those things I think need to be achieved today, this week, etcetera. Then, as the hours slide aft, empty of all accomplishment save time spent with a tiny human that I’ll never have again, I prune those intended achievements. I like to start with general housekeeping. As long as a certain standard of hygiene is met, who really cares? One could continue a full jettison of all duty, right up to least favoured clients (tempting, but drastic, and financially awkward). Which explains why there are few recent posts on this blog. Intention, I assure you, was there. Time, I realise now, is not on this blog’s side. Perhaps there will be more posts. I plan so. Perhaps there will be less. This may be so.

How very zen.

P.s. Inspirational quotes in swirly writing are scourges of internets.

Toddler

Right now, I have the answer to EVERYTHING. And it’s just one word. Which is great, because this sleep-deprivation shit plays havoc with your vocab.

Toddler!

- You look tired. Are you not sleeping?

- Toddler.

 

- Why does the house smell like cinnamon?

- Toddler.

 

- Why is the front lawn covered in duplo?

- Toddler.

 

- Why is the cat cowering in the bath?*

- Toddler.

 

- Why are the chairs all on top of the table?

- Toddler.

 

- Why is the loungeroom floor covered in a fine layer of talc?

- Toddler.

 

- Why haven’t you washed/brushed your hair this week?

- Toddler.

 

- Where are my keys?

- Toddler.

 

- Where is my mind?

- Toddler.

 

You may choose to add a little courtesy.

- Would you like to come out for dinner with us tonight?

- Sorry, toddler.

 

It even works as a reply to simple statements.

- That’s a lot of washing you’re doing.

- Toddler.

 

But it’s best reserved for existential angst.

- Why? Why me?

- Toddler.

 

 

*Just kidding. We have neither cat nor bath. (But the neighbours do.)

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